Irracional

I had it right in front of me.
Maybe I could have taken it, maybe I could have gone for it and taken a risk... but I didn't.
Not because I didn't want to, I think I did. Or at least it made sense to me that I'd want to.
But I didn't.
It'd be good for me. Maybe even great! She's amazing, right what the freakin' doctor ordered, no bullshit involved, plain and simple having fun.
But I didn't go for it.
Because even in the midst of all the noise, of the rampant dancing and purest enjoyment of the moment, I couldn't stop thinking that I'd trade it all for a second of your smile.
How the fuck did I get here?...

Certeza é relativa

É impressionante como apesar de parte de mim já estar certo que este teu barco já partiu sem mim, e essa parte estar a tentar afogar -me nessa certeza, tudo se desvanece... quando sorris.

Addicted

"I won’t kiss you. It might get to be a habit and I can’t get rid of habits."

F. Scott Fitzgerald

Bah!...

Não percebo o que me reteve...
Não sei porque é que não fui capaz de dar aquele último passo, fazer o que me seria tão natural, o que me pareceu que ambos queríamos mas só eu iria ter coragem de o fazer.
Talvez tenha sido receio de falhar, de tentar e magoar, crash and burn e tudo isso...
O que sei é que mais uma vez vi que teria em ti alguém que me acompanhasse, seja nas palhaçadas, seja nos gostos, nas risadas, na música, na loucura, no olhar o mundo.
Sei que mais uma vez tudo o resto na minha cabeça parou e só conseguia pensar no quanto queria pegar-te na cara e lembrar-te do que foi quanto nos beijámos.
E sei que apesar de ter deixado claro que era o que queria fazer, não foi nada disso que fiz...
Bah!...

Hoje

E ali estavas tu, à vista de semear.
E eu sem conseguir parar de olhar.
A ver-te sorrir.

(un)expected

It's getting harder to breathe... harder to watch you from afar and not touch your face, not kiss your lips...

It's getting harder to stop staring when you smile, to not feel the need to call you and ask about your day...

It's getting harder to follow the rules, to keep my distance, to stay away and not say a word...

It's getting harder to watch you keep silent, to watch your other life unfold, to watch how you fight for someone else and to let you fight it without saying a word...

I never thought it'd get easier, but I wasn't expecting this.

Things left unsaid

"'You weren't supposed to wait... I told you not to...'
You've got to be kidding me... am I supposed to ignore what happened? Am I supposed to forget the way we looked at each other? The way we keep looking at each other? What we feel when we touch? That lingering gaze? The gasps of surprise at feeling what was happening?
Am I supposed to stop thinking about you, about your smile?
'I've got someone... we can't... we shouldn't...'
Then why did we? Why do we still? Why do I still feel this chemistry between us?
It's not my imagination. It's not a one time thing.
There's definitely something here and I don't think it's going away even if you try to ignore it.
I don't want it to go away.
You have to know that there are other options.
That I am the other option."